What Is It To Be Human?

Why are the drums so silent?

2012-01-31T23:27:00.000+08:00

All the sounds that surround us,
all the noises that dumbfound us,
the clatter and the clamour of the cluttter of our lives.
Cars and streets make silence shatter,
idle mind fill up with idle chatter,
if we fill our void that's all that matters.

Why are the drums so silent?
Why can't we hear the rhythm? What's wrong
with you and I?
Why are the drums so silent?
Why can't we hear the rhythm from the heels of believers
marching to the garden as they strive?

...If we can just be brave enough to be each other's mirror,
we may finally recognise the face of conscience that we fear.
And if we take the time to mute the noise we've built around
ourselves,
the rhythm of the heartbeats and the purpose may be clear..."

Dawud Wharnsby, Why Are the Drums So Silent?

Neturei Karta

"Where there is no division in vision

there is vision even in division."

Shaykh Abdal Hakim Murad, Contentions 4

2012-01-31T23:05:00.001+08:00

Watched this video moments ago. I love it:

Reading this again.

2012-01-29T23:19:00.001+08:00

I'm pondering over this road I've been walking on. I don't think I've ever waited so long for an answer. A sign. But I still feel certain that I will receive an answer, God willing. Don't know what the future holds, but I must be conscious of this road that I am walking on right now.

I need a hug. More than a hug, I need a good, sincere prayer from myself. I miss gazing at Your stars, Ya Rabb. But where have I set my sight on?

Parent Meet

2012-01-28T23:16:00.001+08:00

Had a parent meet for the new class this morning. Mothers, all of them. Frequently, I end parent meets feeling happy. Beyond happy. There is warmth in bridging learning from school to home, and in sharing goals for sons and daughters. When parents and educators work together, I really believe learners can blossom further.

I must say, having a group of learners aged four to five is not as taxing as managing a group aged five to six. For the last two years, I managed learners aged five to six and God knows the kind of curriculum we had to plan (single-handedly - sorry, I just have to emphasise on this time and again) and the kind of developmental 'gaps' that had to be filled to get learners prepared for Primary education...

This year, I don't feel so... choked. Yes, there are developmental 'gaps' but they're not diversified. It is a serious issue... every time I get a new class there are always gaps to fill. Time and again I feel that the project approach must be re-constructed and streamlined to fit needs - we have to look into how to bridge the 'academic gap' between Kindergarten and Singapore's Primary education. Yes, we are looking at holistic learning but here's one fact in our education system - our learners will be assessed, graded, and segregated. Fact.

Parents shared that they'd like learners to be able to read and write by the end of the year. One parent told me that she'd like her son to know numbers 1 to 100. I understand why - she knows that her child will be competing with other learners nationwide, and to be cream of the crop, learners have to take huge leaps. Know their numbers. Crunch numbers. The thing is, the benchmark set for the age group is to know numbers 1 to 10...

Children are hurried to learn. Fact. It's as if their race on this earth begins once they breathe life. I am not a parent but I sincerely feel for both parents and children. Parents are concerned over the great race young ones have to go through, thus the need to push them and ensure success. And then we have "daycare centres of excellence"... expensive schools for social elites - top-notch in literacy, numeracy, art, music, science - to help produce the cream of the crop. Frankly, I shun away from "daycare centres of excellence". Expat schools. I thank God that I am working with children from diverse backgrounds and needs. Elite schools exclude. My firm belief - real schools don't exclude. That's just my perspective.

This year, the challenges I face are familiar. I had to be frank with the parents - the goals I've set are simple. My first goal is to fill the developmental gaps - both social and cognitive (foundation of literacy - alphabetic principle). It will be intensive but once the foundation is strong, we can move into reading short high-frequency words, which is my second goal. The last goal I've set is to develop learners' confidence in speaking and sharing what they know. Simple, but the road to achieving these goals isn't.

Also, I was informed that the Moroccan boy whom I taught last year (from K2 Angsana, a group of five to six year olds. He's such a darling, I miss him so) is facing a 'culture shock' - he's in Primary One right now and actually struggling to keep up the race with his peers. I was told that his Primary School entry test had a math sum where he had to subtract from a three digit number...

Upon hearing that, I felt concerned. I remember him to be a well rounded child. A fast learner, and he did very well in literacy and numeracy. Here's the surprise - at the age of five to six, the subtraction topic revolves around numbers 1 to 20. I set it tad higher for my group of learners last year - 1 to 30. After sharing my concern with another teacher, she informed me that the school is an elite school, which explains the math sum in the entry test.

Why is it that young learners have to climb such high walls?

the thought of Bai Juyi, Du Fu and a good cup of tea.

2012-01-25T22:19:00.001+08:00

Taman Negara, Dec 2011

stretched is the twilight
eyes sweep across the distance
spot that luminous orb
shy behind misty curtains
but charming still
gaze long, longer
this moonsong resonates within
I smile at a thought -
dear friend,
is your gaze upon
that hanging lamp, too?

___

This night makes me want to run outside, spread out a sleeping bag, and SLEEP WITH THE TREES.

It's a Water Dragon Year. Have a prosperous New Year, folks.

2012-01-24T22:16:00.000+08:00

I had a good CNY break, two days of it... but I could not escape from the pile of work I brought home. I've been wondering why I've to finish up work at home when I don't have much "teacher time" at work? No, I'm not complaining or anything, but here's a thought - January to December, four terms, 9 to 6 Monday to Friday, given a maximum of 14 - 18 days of leave, rigid routines, endless projects, weekly and daily lesson plans, field trips, classroom management, special needs issues, renewal of classroom learning corners - sometimes I wonder how much an educator can really take. Yes, the job is rewarding but sometimes the things we've to do is beyond what we really can take. To establish high quality in child care, how can anyone dismiss the importance of teacher welfare? To be frank, this nation is far from it. We have yet to establish high quality in child care.

These days, I wonder whether I should take another road in this field (or get myself out from the field? But I like working with young genuine beings!). I feel like looking into speech and drama, and sometimes I wonder whether I should get into graduate school. Then again why should I? Isn't there more to life? Well, Mira, you've got to finish up the year and polish yourself first.

Aah, I've to complete lesson plans right now. Do I have a life? I tell myself, yes. My life today was about a pot of stew, my life tomorrow will be spent with 15 four year olds and teaching ordinal numbers. My life this coming Saturday will be spent with parents, sharing experiences and goals. My life next year? And the year after that? Ten years down? Aah, Lord, let me go with the flow and let me find peace in that. Sometimes it hurts not knowing, but wise ones would say - you already know what you know. What you don't know you don't need to know. Why continue asking? One may question life and the road ahead but the answer comes when He wills it. At least that is what I think...

Suddenly I feel like running off to the fields (no, not the fields in SG). Do some gardening. Learn. Cook. Feed. Smile. Teach. Hug. Be genuine. I want to get out of this concrete jungle so that I can be me. Aah, illusions... frankly I do not remember sounding like a woolgatherer. In such times, I tell myself - if I can't find peace on this land, I've to find peace within. And I tell myself - hijrah (migration) will happen only with the right intention, God willing. Strange how I wish for a thing out of reach... but how can I ever deny this assurance in my heart? Who can ever lose trust in his heart? May our hearts be our compasses, and may we understand that a quiet, calm heart is a medium through which we can hear Him speak. Ya Rabb, strengthen this assurance in my heart, and keep it safe from delusion. Ameen, ya Rabbal 'Alamin.

None of the many images of action and entity

make the Actor multiple in any way

So whoever rises above every vanishing thing

will be shown existence without duality

Shaykh Muhammad ibn al-Habib

2012-01-17T23:17:00.003+08:00

Do you know your own potential? Do you know who you really are?

If only we're all really conscious about what we can do. I remember reading somewhere about how each of us are made up of energy (even the great big universe). We're affected by, and can affect, the energy around us. Imagine if you're aware of your own human energy... imagine the kind of capacity in you to just, live and love. To radiate peace and loving kindness. Maybe instead of depending on external sources of energy to feed on to keep us sane and alive, we should look inward and see how much life we have... and share that life.

It's the third week of the term and I'm feeling tad knackered. The project approach can get bloomin' tough to manage. I mean, really, I feel like I've the word "superhuman" stuck onto my wee head. Imagine doing it solo. No, I'm not about to rant. I'm just, tad worn out, and all I can think about are words like bike, hike, sun, and trees. I've been thinking about planning a dive trip too (I dreamt of my dive instructor last night, truly, haha!). Aaah, I wonder.

Dive training, Tioman Island, June 2011

"We inhabit a physical world. Just as a fish cannot see beyond the water in which it lives, we cannot see beyond our material boundaries. But the physical dimension is only a small part of our reality."
Ben Willemsen

We stand on solid ground.

2012-01-16T22:19:00.000+08:00

"Where is the honest truth? Where is the open soul?Where is the simple smile?A couthie word or two for the passing stranger who may rest a while..."

Solid Ground, Dougie MacLean

2012-01-16T13:49:00.002+08:00

"One's heart is an ocean,
and one's tongue is the shore;
one finds traces of what is in the ocean,
on the shore."

The Soul and A Loaf of Bread: The Teachings of Sheikh Abol Hasan of Kharaqan, by Vraje Abramian

"What's taters, precious? What's taters, eh?"

2012-01-13T22:24:00.001+08:00

My thoughts are everywhere and nowhere. Does that sound strange? I still can't string my thoughts together. Blocked chakra, perhaps? Or perhaps these two weeks have been truly chaotic, which explains the mess in my mass of noodles.

My plans for tomorrow - I'd like to make a pot of stew, and read a good book, in shaa' Allah.

2012-01-12T22:58:00.000+08:00

Books have just arrived today. Wardah Books is just, too brill. Know what? I really should read up more on Fiqh (jurisprudence) and finance. Sometimes I feel like my brain's turning into pancake batter...

Anyway. It's the "incubation" period - been having difficulty in articulating thoughts. I need the time and space to just... well, sink in.

Ya Rabb, show me things as they truly are.

2012-01-08T22:22:00.000+08:00

"Oh external worshipper, know that worship without heart is motions. Oh seeker of knowledge, know that knowledge without purification is a dangerous weapon of the ego. Oh activist, know that work without orientation of heart is fruitless. Oh lover, know that love without God is pain."

On marriage and love - "The lesson you're taught is that the story ends at the wedding, and then that's when Jennah (paradise) begins. That's when you'll be saved and completed and everything that was once broken will be fixed. The only problem is, that's not where the story ends. That's where it begins. That's where the building starts: the building of a life, the building of your character, the building of sabr, patience, perseverance, and sacrifice. The building of selflessness. The building of love. And the building of your path back to Him."

"Imagine all the mercy God has given you in your life. All the times He has saved you from yourself. All the times we insist on degrading ourselves, yet He honors us instead. We insist on poisoning our hearts, but He takes away the poison and replaces it with medicine. Now imagine this. All of that mercy He has shown you, and all of the mercy spread throught the whole world for all time, is only 1 part of 100. And the rest is saved for the Day of Judgement. Intense. Allahu akbar."

Yasmin Mogahed

2012-01-07T19:25:00.001+08:00

Plugged: E Flat Reels - Flook

Reading Joe Bradford's article (article link: What's in a name? or Why you don't have to and shouldn't change your name in Islam, by Imam Joe Bradford) reminded me of the times when I pondered why we have to Arabicise ourselves...

We - I'm referring to non-Arab Muslims, who make up about 80% of the global Muslim population. Put on an abaya, a kufi cap, a burqa... does it make you more "Muslim"? Modest dressing makes one a Muslim. Also, I think it'd be nice if reverts keep their names. If you’ve a name with beautiful meaning, keep it! The Prophet, peace be upon him, placed such an importance on names. I read somewhere that he encouraged people to change their names only when the names reflect, hmm, unpleasantness. We speak of universal brotherhood... yet some of us think getting Arabicised is a way to be Muslim.

This year, I'm managing fourteen 4-5 year olds. All I can say is that it is tough. What do you do when short, simple instructions or questions cannot be understood? And what do you do when, even after several repeats and after re-constructing instructions/questions, you cannot get anything across? I think the underlying issue right now is literacy (specifically, listening and speaking) – the language and vocabulary which they are surrounded with, and how they’ve been communicating their ideas. Also – whether adults really do listen to them when they communicate their ideas, and converse with them. I think it's important for primary caregivers to de-construct what a child says, and re-construct their words. For example, my students come to me saying, "Teacher. Paper." Then I'd go, "Oh, you'd like a piece of paper?" Then I'd encourage them to verbalise the appropriate sentence – "May I have a piece of paper, please?" I think it takes a lot of encouragement for them to share their thoughts more often.

Aah. Anyway. I've decided to have folk music compilations in class. I need to have more music and movement activities with them. Hoping this will develop better listening skills!

E Flat Reels / Eb Reels - Flook

The Magnitude

2012-01-03T22:06:00.000+08:00

The magnitude is impossible to deduce
from this side of the sky

From the other side of the sky
everything’s possible

A man with a deer’s head teaching mathematics to
a classroom of students who ring like bells

A plateau of goats on their hindlegs doing somersaults
as their shepherdess reads to them from tablets of silk

Astronomers who simply point to somewhere in the sky
and stars and planets call out their names

in audible voices as clear as trumpets

A land of waterfalls so plentifully lustrous
everyone’s flotation devices are biologically supplied

A central globed arena rotating in ten different speeds of peacefulness
without seeming to move at all or ever come to anything like a stop

Migrating birds seen in one direction in profile
making the shape of our ecstatic faces sailing through blue sky

The staggeringly bright radiance that
floods God’s universe

in dark shadow compared to the
workshop He works from

which is everywhere at once
and every time and every place

simultaneously present in the spark
suspended in air

which is this world we perceive and
grieve over so seriously

barely a blink of light
as it falls into our hands

leaving a star-shaped scar
that heals before it wounds

because the magnitude of all this is nearly

impossible to deduce

from anything anyone does or says

except the light in our eyes

and what our hearts recite

so precisely and gloriously

in the immeasurable magnitude

of a single heartbeat

Daniel Abdal-Hayy Moore,
The Throne Perpendicular to All that is Horizontal, unpublished

Rabbi Yisroel Dovid Weiss

2012-01-02T21:43:00.000+08:00

"...We want the world to know we are being oppressed. Yesterday it leaked out somehow that we have these Jews standing there and being brutally beaten... When President Netanyahu came to President Obama in Washington, we had tens of thousands of Jews on the street protesting - nobody showed this.

We constantly have had demonstrations in Jerusalem - nobody shows this.... Not only do they get brutally beaten they are arrested without any charges. They are trying to wipe out our Judaism. Therefore, the Jewish youth are standing there... thousands of people with Stars of David to show that this is worse than Nazism. Not only are they killing the Jews and with what they are doing to the Palestinian people, but they are trying to uproot our souls.

Our Jewish belief is that our sole purpose is to serve God and if make somebody a sin, it is worse than if you had killed them - that's the Jewish belief. Our ancestors for hundreds and thousands of years gave their lives from the time of Abraham who threw himself into the oven not to serve idol worshipping until today, Jews have been giving their lives to uphold the Torah and not to forsake God and his teaching.

Zionism is willfully conniving and actually uprooting the soul from the Jewish people so that the generations that are following do not serve God, constantly sitting and desecrating the Sabbath; doing every criminal act against God. Therefore, they are worse than the Nazis because it's not only six million, it's now tens and tens of millions of Jews who are falling prey to Zionism..."

Video link:

Press TV: "Israel brutally beats Jewish protesters", an interview with Rabbi Yisroel Dovid Weiss, US Haredi Rabbi

Noahidism

2012-01-02T19:07:00.002+08:00

I've just discovered Noahidism, a monotheistic Jewish ideology. It's most interesting. The seven laws are all too familiar. It is said that non-Jews who observe these laws (B'nei Noah, Children of Noah) will be assured of a place in a World to come (Olam Haba). This reminds me of the Quranic verse on the People of the Book, which includes Christians and Jews:

"Verily! Those who believe and those who are Jews and Christians, and Sabians, whoever believes in God and the Last Day and do righteous good deeds shall have their reward with their Lord, on them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve."
Qur'an, Al-Baqarah, : 62

Seven Laws of Noah

"This obligation, to teach all the peoples of the earth about the Laws of Noah, is incumbent upon every individual in every era."
Mishnah Torah, Law of Kings 8:10

Acknowledge that there is only one G-d who is Infinite and Supreme above all things. Do not replace that Supreme Being with finite idols, be it yourself, or other beings. This command includes such acts as prayer, study and meditation.

Respect the Creator. As frustrated and angry as you may be, do not vent it by cursing your Maker.

Respect human life. Every human being is an entire world. To save a life is to save that entire world. To destroy a life is to destroy an entire world. To help others live is a corollary of this principle.

Respect the institution of marriage. Marriage is a most Divine act. The marriage of a man and a woman is a reflection of the oneness of G-d and His creation. Disloyalty in marriage is an assault on that oneness.

Respect the rights and property of others. Be honest in all your business dealings. By relying on G-d rather than on our own conniving, we express our trust in Him as the Provider of Life.

Respect G-d's creatures. At first, Man was forbidden to consume meat. After the Great Flood, he was permitted - but with a warning: Do not cause unnecessary suffering to any creature.

Maintain justice. Justice is G-d's business, but we are given the charge to lay down necessary laws and enforce them whenever we can. When we right the wrongs of society, we are acting as partners in the act of sustaining the creation.

Source: Neturei Karta

:(

2012-01-01T16:46:00.000+08:00

trees are still
air is stiller
day isn't moving
but thoughts run

sunlight's not helping
they're not dissipating
it's overwhelming
these thoughts run.

Last few minutes of the year. Thoughts?

2011-12-31T23:53:00.003+08:00

"Protect your enthusiasm from the negativity and fear of others. Never decide to do nothing just because you can only do little. Do what you can. You would be surprised at what 'little' acts have done for our world."

Steve Maraboli

Yesterday was a blessed Friday, alhamdulillah. It was an eventful day which, I cannot truly describe. One relationship healed, but at a departure. Another relationship strengthened. Also, I spent last hours with my students who've graduated and will be moving into the next phase of the lives. I am grateful for the company I had yesterday.

So, we're now on the last few minutes of the year. I have no thoughts to share. It's just that I wonder at our... lack of consciousness. So many pressing issues yet we choose to spend these last few hours out there, drinking and dancing the night away. Counting down to what? The end? Think me negative, but I think it's really insane, and that's that :(. I should be spending these last few minutes in deep reflection and ask myself where I'm going.

Before I end this entry, I'd like to dedicate this song to anyone who is reading this. Be broken, but not bitter. We've to learn to share our own gifts. Learn to be with each other in spirit. May you find beauty in the morn, in the rain or sun, and in the chaos or stillness of your days. Much love, me.

Out adrift with all uncertainty
Stranded in the years that have betrayed you
And your dignity had gone
What to do but stand and shout against the wind
Shout against the wind

You have found a home in the centre of the circle
You have found a home where the harmonies can shine
And in the breathing of the turning leaves your heart is heard forever
You have found a home
You have found a home

Left for lost inside some other world
Fragments of your failures are your only friends
But time has moved along
What to do but stand and call it crystal clear
Call it crystal clear

Home, by Dougie MacLean

Trip Highlights

2011-12-28T19:19:00.004+08:00

Plugged: It's Still Raining/Carlisle Street Reels - Solas

I survived the long trip back. I sometimes dread night rides. KL to SG - 8 hours. Reached SG at about 0700hrs today. I'm not sure where to start...

I'm glad that I decided to make a trip to Taman Negara this time of the year for two reasons - 1) wasn't filled with 'em tourists, thank God. 2) being under the endless rain in the rainforest felt good. People avoid making a trip to the rainforest during the monsoon season because of the endless rain. Then again, trekking through the rainforest with endless rain sounds like an exciting experience. Better than trekking in hot and humid conditions!

About the endless rain - during my stay, it rained through the mornings and afternoons. Alhamdulillah for those waterproof trekking boots - can you imagine feeling like a soaked moggy in the rainforest? Oh wait, feeling like that is nice. Except when you've to walk with soggy boots. Squish.

I thought I'd be missing out on the three-hour boat ride from Kuala Tembeling Jetty. I initially planned to get a car ride from Jerantut (where I alighted from the train). An NKS van parked just outside the station and a man alighted (NKS is a local operator that offers tourists packages and such - got a brochure of theirs and I might consider contacting them for future trips, God willing). Didn't see any taxi around so I asked the guy about how we could travel to Taman Negara and he suggested taking the boat. I was certainly thrilled. I think it costs MYR35 per person to ride the boat.

Mist over forest canopy

Three hours on the boat might make some people sick. Alhamdulillah I've never gotten motion sickness (except the time when I kayaked for four hours under the sun and rain. I had to sit still in my tent. But that was years ago). Really enjoyed the ride. Dozed off a bit at one point without realising. Haha, was I that exhausted?

The first night I had a jungle walk. Some trails were closed due to some construction but I still had opportunity to see wild life. Trekked a bit and saw deers (muntjac?) at a salt lick. Saw glowing mushrooms and learnt that you can tap drinkable water from rattan vines (dangerous, however, if you cannot differentiate species - something about epiphytes and parasites).

Saw a pair of tapirs, too. But they were strolling in one of the resorts!

Wanted to trek up to Teresek Hill (also known as Bukit Teresek in Bahasa Melayu) but unfortunately closed due to boardwalk construction. "Boardwalk? What?" It pains me not to get the opportunity to walk on soil and forest litter, then again I was told a boardwalk protects the forest environment. I hope to get the opportunity to trek up the hill the next time I'm there.

Took a boat ride further into the forest and stopped by an Orang Asli (tribal people) settlement. It's one of the settlements of the Batek people, the people of the forest. The settlement area was bloody small, only a stretch of a few metres on the riverbank. No schools, no toilets - the forest is their playground. You'd wonder what the kids play, and what kinds of pastimes the adults take up (bird watching? fishing?). One of the ways they earn income is through making decorative blowpipes. Did I learn how to make a blowpipe and make fire? Yep.

Batek man with two children. The Batek people are shy and peaceful.
Their physical appearance are far from those of the Malay people.
They're more 'negroid' in appearance. I'm not sure where they originate from.

Had a boat ride through Tahan River, towards Lata Berkoh. Didn't get to the cascades - whoever did must be crazy because the water level at that point of time wasn't normal. By the way, I was told that the waters get really clear without the crazy wet weather. The colour of the river isn't caused by pollution - what causes it is the tannin from trees and decaying leaves.

"Anything tastes good in the rainforest!" - our guide

I received a leech bite while walking through the water. I was cleaning my feet and tried to remove the "dirt" - it "sprung" back and immediately I realised it's a bloody leech. After cussing a bit (haha, you cannot imagine!), I tried to remove it with a tissue. The stubborn little devil tried its best to get to my skin. No, I'm not sharing what happened next. Which troll said its painless? Haha! It stings, yes.

Truly a memorable experience

Boatman in front to assist with the direction of the boat. Love the view.

Well, I don't think I've enough of Taman Negara. Not having the opportunity to trek up Teresek Hill has built up this burning desire to get another trip. The guide I had, Azhari, will be trekking up Mount Tahan on the 7th of January (his 3rd or 4th climb). Those who climbed Mount Kinabalu (4000m++, takes only two days to ascend and descend) said it is much tougher to climb Mount Tahan (only 2000m++, but it takes up a week or so to complete). No, I'm not thinking of climbing a mountain but I think it's amazing how people can climb up Mount Tahan several times in their lives. I'd like another trip and trek deeper into the rainforest.

:( On another note, I found out that RIS 2011 can be accessed online, but I missed it? Ya Rabb, will I ever get the opportunity to attend an RIS convention? Or even a Rihla?

Seven hours to go.

2011-12-21T22:00:00.026+08:00

The past weeks have been immense. I'm hoping to find some peace during the trip later...

Train's setting off at 0530hrs. It's heading towards Jerantut, Pahang and might take about 6 - 8 hours to arrive. I'm really looking forward to seeing sunrise and vast fields. The joy of seeing M'sian landscape surpasses the discomfort I face (i.e. the toilet facility on board - don't mention it). I've some last few items to pack. Hopefully I'll be well-equipped. :S

Before I go, I'd like to take these few hours to just... lull myself to sleep.

2011-12-21T07:07:00.003+08:00

"The worst type of love is unrequited love: when you love somebody and they don't love you – there is nothing worst than that in the world, unrequited love. And obviously the worst type of unrequited love is with God, because we want the Love of God."

Shaykh Hamza Yusuf

Packing... don't forget the match and salt.

2011-12-19T01:28:00.001+08:00

Packing's nearly complete. While packing, I thought about how convenient and awesome it'd be if I could pack few sets of Abaya and trek in them. Joke.

The trip is next week. I'm really hoping the weather will be much kinder (wet weather = more leeches), but I expect the worst. I think it'd be insane to trek in such wet conditions, in a rainforest. I wouldn't mind trekking with leeches, flood, and muddy tracks, but for the safety of the eight-year-old (he's coming along!), I think I've to come up with other plans just in case. If I've to cancel activities during this trip, I'd want to plan another trip next year... not during the monsoon season!

After Pahang, I might head down to Selangor. I'm praying to not have that "issue" discussed. I've set my mind and God willing I've taken the right decision. I heard there's a two-storey house for sale in Kuala Kubu Bharu at an affordable five digit. Exciting, but I'm not sure whether it's a good idea.

I'm trying to settle much of work before the trip. Classroom design is not over. I've been having a lot of ideas and putting much of my time in setting up the class. Term 1's curriculum is settled, I think. We've two weeks before the start of the new year, can you believe it?

2011-12-17T20:03:00.003+08:00

Doubt yer doubts of others, and you may find mercy swelling within.

A true companion doubts his doubt about his friend. As for one who arrives at an opinion of another so quickly, is he a companion? I wonder.

The Price of Experience

2011-12-14T00:27:00.000+08:00

William Blake, The Price of Experience (1797)

What is the price of experience?
Do men buy it for a song?
Or wisdom for a dance in the street?
No, it is bought with the price
Of all a man hath, his house, his wife, his children.
Wisdom is sold in the desolate market where none come to buy,
And in the wither’d field where the farmer plows for bread in vain.It is an easy thing to triumph in the summer’s sun
And in the vintage and to sing on the waggon loaded with corn.
It is an easy thing to talk of prudence to the afflicted,
To speak the laws of prudence to the houseless wanderer,
To listen to the hungry raven’s cry in wintry season
When the red blood is fill’d with wine and with the marrow of lambs.

It is an easy thing to laugh at wrathful elements,
To hear the dog howl at the wintry door, the ox in the slaughterhouse moan;
To see a god on every wind and a blessing on every blast;
To hear sounds of love in the thunder-storm and destroys our enemies’ house;
To rejoice in the blight that covers his field, and the sickness that cuts off his children,
While our olive and vine sing and laugh round our door, and our children bring fruits and flowers.

Then the groan and the dolour are quite forgotten, and the slave grinding at the mill,
And the captive in chains, and the poor in the prison, and the soldier in the field
When the shatter’d bone hath laid him groaning among the happier dead.
It is an easy thing to rejoice in the tents of prosperity:
Thus could I sing and thus rejoice: but it is not so with me.

They threw stones like David.

2011-12-12T21:32:00.003+08:00

"If you do not know who the people of good company are, you have not been paying attention! God placed them in your life - keep good companionship/friendship."

- Dr. Umar Abd-Allah, Rihla 2011

28 year old Palestinian Mustafa Tamimi was laid to rest yesterday, in his home village. He was one of them - protesting to protect the land, to defend rights. For that, he was shot in the face by a tear-gas canister, fired at close-range by an Israeli soldier.

I read the news of this heinous incident a day after it happened. It made me wonder at the degree of insanity we're living in. Why is the world quiet amidst such heinous crimes? Quietened and silenced. I want to remember the late Mustafa Tamimi and all those who are steadfast in times of desperation, simply because I must. For the sake of the heart's life, we must remember.

I cannot fathom the pain and sadness that his family and friends are going through right now. May the Most Merciful grant them patience in adversity, and may He grant peace to the late Mustafa Tamimi. Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji'un, verily we belong to Him, and to Him is our return.

"...I knew Mustafa as a brother in the resistance. We were close in the resistance to the occupation. Anyone who comes out with me in our resistance to the occupation is close to me, as close as my mother, brother, or father, whether they be Palestinian, Israeli, Jewish, Muslim, or international. He was free, and a person who is free fights the occupation. That’s the thing I can most say about him - he was freedom."

- Ibrahim Bornat, Link: Eyewitness describes Mustafa Tamimi's last moments

Eclipse

2011-12-10T23:10:00.002+08:00

Witnessed tonight's lunar eclipse just moments ago. It looked ominous. Blood red, or like as if was enshrouded in thick, dark smoke. Tried to capture it on camera (sorry for the poor quality):

While gazing at it, I was reminded of a hadith about eclipses - "The sun and the moon are two signs amongst the signs of God; they do not eclipse on the death or life of anyone. So when you see the eclipse, remember God and say Takbir (say, 'God is Greater'), pray and give Sadaqa (charity)."

Subhanallah wa bihamdihi, Glory be to God, and praise Him.

Classroom design. Again.

2011-12-07T23:53:00.002+08:00

I'm shifting to a new class as I will be taking up a different age group next year. The process is familiar but exciting, still. I'm nearly done with the layout and walls. I think I might've pulled out few thousand staple bullets from the walls - I guess it accumulated over the years? I'd very much like to put a new coat of paint to cover up those holes. That, and also to give a fresh look to the classroom.

Next year's project theme will revolve around books. I'm planning to focus on Eric Carle for Term 1 before moving on to other classic children's books i.e. The Enormous Turnip. I LOVE THE ENORMOUS TURNIP. As a young child, I loved flipping the well-illustrated pages of Ladybird's Enormous Turnip. I especially loved the soft, fine lines on the turnip and on the trees. Hmm, and my favourite page was (and still is) the one where the farmer and his family sat around a table eating turnip (soup?) for dinner. The illustration of the kitchen and everything in it gave off this warm, cosy feel. I especially loved the jars of turnip (turnip jam, I think) on wooden shelves.

I'm spending some time on the net to get some ideas for my dramatic corner. Hoping I'll get some bright ideas before I go to bed! :3

Hadith from the Prophet

2011-12-04T23:25:00.001+08:00

Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, once said, "Charity is prescribed for each descendant of Adam every day the sun rises." He was then asked: "From what do we give charity every day?" The Prophet answered, "The doors of goodness are many... enjoining good, forbidding evil, removing harm from the road, listening to the deaf, leading the blind, guiding one to the object of his need, hurrying with the strength of one's legs to one in sorrow who is asking for help, and supporting the feeble with the strength of one's arms - all of these are charity prescribed for you." He also said: "Your smile for your brother is charity."

Narrated 'Aisha [the Prophet's wife], may God be pleased with her, "I never saw the Prophet laughing to an extent that one could see his palate, but he always used to smile."

May you find good, sincere words to say or pray, and may you find the love for charity, today.

Hadith from the Prophet

2011-12-04T23:21:00.001+08:00

"He who is presented with a flower
should not reject it,
for it is light to carry
and pleasant in odour."

Related by Muslim

Walls blown. Walls built.

2011-12-04T21:30:00.001+08:00

Documentary Film: Tears of Gaza, by Vibeke Løkkeberg

We see such heinous crimes, yet we're still sleeping... and they're making sure we're all in deep sleep.

Ya Rabb, grant the Palestinians patience. I want to remember them, every day. Am I that busy in my own world that I cannot pray for them? Are we that helpless?

We see such heinous crimes, yet we're still sleeping... do we not know we are among the oppressed? We are among the oppressed...

...yet we're still sleeping.

2011-12-01T00:44:00.001+08:00

Plugged: Any Given Time - Outlandish

"The conviction that the best way to prepare children for a harsh, rapidly changing world is to introduce formal instruction at an early age is wrong. There is simply no evidence to support it, and considerable evidence against it. Starting children early academically has not worked in the past and is not working now."
David Elkind (1987)

This academic year has been eventful. A whirlwind... as if "whirlwind" is a perfect word to describe the immense clutter - the numerous attempts at pulling everything together, troll fodder that keeps piling, beautiful discoveries, and many cycles of reflection and reconciliation within the self. Not forgetting the sixteen Angsana kids... by God, the strength and patience I had through it all weren't mine. Alhamdulillah, the academic year has passed and only the Most Merciful knows how it all went!

I had my year-end parent meet earlier today. Meeting twelve parents today left me feeling soft and squishy like a piece of sopped bread. Often we discussed about education issues and I can deeply understand their concerns. When I started the year, I was amazed at the diversity of the kids and wondered how an individual can tailor the curriculum to all their needs within the constraints of time (daily routines, new projects almost always out of the blue, half-day students, etc...) and limited resources. Few already had proper foundation while some needed to strengthen theirs. Stepping into K2 seemed like a huge leap for them. It's stepping into a stage where, all of a sudden, the benchmarks for math and language have already been set. And then comes the pile of assessment books and lots of enrichment programmes...

It's sad, really. We give young children a lot of space to play because we believe it is essential to their learning and holistic development. And then afterwards, a year before stepping into primary school, kids have to reach the benchmarks set so as to be prepared for the coming competition(s) with students around the country. They play less and sit more with worksheets. It's sad to see how our kids are hurried to memorise facts and solve mental arithmetic fast. We disturbingly move from differentiated instruction to a one-size-fits-all approach...

:( I feel like a piece of sopped bread. I think I'm overwhelmed.

Earlier this year, I had the intention to plant a tree with the kids. Now I'm wishing we did. I sincerely love them and I wish I can do more for them, with them. I can only pray that the spark I've seen in them will not fade away.

2011-11-28T00:07:00.004+08:00

"Learn to like what doesn't cost much.
Learn to like reading, conversation, music.
Learn to like plain food, plain service, plain cooking.
Learn to like fields, trees, brooks, hiking, rowing, climbing hills.
Learn to like people, even though some of them may be different...different from you.
Learn to like to work and enjoy the satisfaction doing your job as well as it can be done.
Learn to like the song of birds, the companionship of dogs.
Learn to like gardening, puttering around the house, and fixing things.
Learn to like the sunrise and sunset, the beating of rain on the roof and windows, and the gentle fall of snow on a winter day.
Learn to keep your wants simple and refuse to be controlled by the likes and dislikes of others."

― Lowell C. Bennion

2011-11-24T08:48:00.001+08:00

After reading some Taman Negara experiences (especially like the one on my previous post), I've been thinking a lot about leeches. The thought of leeches is just tad eeky. No, I've never had a first-hand experience with leeches before... not yet. I've read somewhere that only some leech species feed on blood, and of that species, some of them sting and some don't. Bleargh. I've to read up on its removal and treatment (I know salt and fire work, but I learnt that the bloodsucker might vomit back into the wound, possibly causing infection). And I thought leech socks were unnecessary!

We're coming to the end of November. Parent Meet is next week, and then a three-day training after that. I've just met the new curriculum coordinator yesterday. After our talk, I think she knows what she's getting herself into.

I'll be managing a group of five year olds next year. I think it'll be interesting. I can't remember the last time I took a group of five year olds. Setting up the classroom, curriculum, assessment methods... ahh, and I've only a month or so before the next academic year starts.

Been sensing something's not right. These days, I wonder whether I can trust my intuition. I fear it might just be me.

I want to be Ms Anti-social and go off into the jungle by myself.

2011-11-21T23:07:00.005+08:00

I'm trying to find time to pack for December's short trip to the world's oldest tropical rainforest. I am eager to start packing, really...

To get myself prepared, I've been reading the experiences of other travellers who've trekked the rainforest before. One went like this: "The trekking is amazing, the forest is a lush, green, vibrant, noisy force that is just teeming with life. You have to be very careful where you put your feet and hands. There are millions of ants and some of them are HUGE and very aggressive. There are also lots of leeches in certain areas. This one time (in band camp) I'm balanced on one legs desperately trying to get rid of a leech that's half in and half out of one of the air holes of my trainer, and I'm surrounded my leeches that are desperately crawling on the forest floor in a mad, blood frenzy to reach me. It was like something out of Aliens! Seriously! These little buggers are scary. If you look very carefully you can see them waiting in the middle of the path, standing straight, and waving their head around. If they detect you they go straight for you and they are fast! I get rid of dozens on my days in the jungle. My last day after the rains was the worst. On getting back to base, I take off my bloody socks to find 2 leeches, 1 beetle and 1 head of an ant (I wondered where that went) and 5 leech bites."

How exciting! Not sure how I'll fare. God willing, it'll be a safe trip.

kuoni.co.uk

2011-11-20T22:47:00.000+08:00

I wonder -
the trails
left behind,
those awkward
footsteps
sometimes marked deep
and sometimes
just not there -
can the rain
wash them away?

2011-11-17T22:41:00.000+08:00

Plugged: Ratts of the Capital - Mogwai

Haven't been blogging proper for quite some time now.

"Apa yang nak dikejarkan di dunia ini?" Mum asked. Translation - What is there in this world to chase after? That question, though very familiar, seem like an age-old question that needs to be re-thought throughout one's life.

Can't blog. I need to write.

2011-10-16T01:19:00.000+08:00

Friday's trip to the nature reserve was amazing. We've been having terrible wet weather, but the sun shone beautifully that day!

2011-09-30T22:14:00.001+08:00

Today I had the opportunity to bike with a friend after such a long time. The three-hour experience was simply brill. Riding through the warm sea scented air, crossing the afternoon shadows and bars of amber light, along looming trees that danced in the sea breeze... I had a smile on my face and thanked the Most Generous for the day. I needed it.Tomorrow - relief teaching for a mosque's special needs programme. Not sure how I'll fare. It's been a long time.

2011-09-28T21:08:00.001+08:00

"Your life is a sacred journey. And it is about change, growth, discovery, movement, transformation, continuously expanding your vision of what is possible, stretching your soul, learning to see clearly and deeply, listening to your intuition, taking courageous challenges at every step along the way. You are on the path... exactly where you are meant to be right now... And from here, you can only go forward, shaping your life story into a magnificent tale of triumph, of healing of courage, of beauty, of wisdom, of power, of dignity, and of love." Caroline Adams

2011-09-18T13:10:00.000+08:00

When fruits and vegetables last for weeks in the fridge, I can't help but think of growing my own.

2011-09-15T23:39:00.001+08:00

I watched this a few moments ago. I am in awe. Isn't it amazing how a plastic bottle, water, and bleach can create such wonders?

"Marry the Green Man!"

2011-09-15T22:26:00.001+08:00

Yes, my kids love the Green Man. Silly thing to say... I'd rather BE the Green Man!

Although the troll wars are currently taking place (they've got to suck on lemons, seriously *facepalm*), I feel much excitement for the children. Last year, my six year olds did well for an Italian folk dance. I clearly remember my boys enjoying the Tarantella. They were as enthusiastic as the girls, really. This year, my Angsana is going tribal! Our year-end project is focused on the different things we can make out of the natural resources found in the forest. So, I thought, after our forest exploration and all that talk on the Green Man, trees, and seeds, why not delve into learning about tribes living in the forest?

Coconut Shells - I got the raw stuff from the market. There's this brill store that
sells Indian spices, herbs, and fruits. They shave coconuts and sell them fresh.
Anyway, I got what I wanted. Cleaning it was not easy, had to slide a knife through
a layer to clean off the flesh. The kids enjoyed using sandpaper to smooth up the shell.
I should've taken a photo of their written responses on the different uses of coconut shells!
Truly interesting.

My colleague showed me several tribal dances. It reminded me of the time when I danced with the Lahu under the Chiang Rai moon and stars... felt so good. I love this particular video. I have watched it several times now:

Traditional Dayak Dance, Indonesia

I'm currently trying to go full-force - daily lessons, year-end project, graduation performance, emcee training, rehearsals, portfolios, documentation. Next week, we've a Skype date with some children from Myanmar. Amazing how a gift of wooden chopsticks can connect two worlds. I hope it'll turn out alright.

2011-09-14T01:10:00.000+08:00

Time check: 0110 hrs.

I had a cup of coffee... but I still feel as if I'm dozing off. It seems black is the only kind of coffee available around here that can keep my noodle mass zip at lightning speed. I don't really drink coffee though... I'd rather stay away from it.

I'm up and awake at this hour to edit audio for the ultimate end year project - the graduation! I've a pile of tasks to accomplish. I told myself, my colleagues will see another side of me. They've yet to see it! Coffee, Soundbooth, the night, and me. Sounds good, for now. Tomorrow and the few months ahead - troll wars. But...

let's think of the now, shall we?

2011-09-13T21:42:00.002+08:00

Dear friend, where have you gone? I'm feeling the void now. Strange how people meet and touch lives... and then when they're not around they leave a kind of emptiness.

I haven't been doing that well in the past week. Work-related. The worst part is, I even thought about staying for another year. Why am I so odd...

Anyway. Right now I crave for a bike ride and a good long walk under morning sun. I miss kite-flying. I miss the sun, the trees, and the clouds... put a friend or two with that.

2011-09-08T22:38:00.001+08:00

Fact: I sometimes consider cave-dwelling and turning into a hermit. I sometimes consider throwing everything away and just live with the simplest of things. Now is such a time.

Living in this concrete jungle, my only cave is a space within four walls. Hmm. Can I build a house on a tree (with a mailbox) and just... cut myself away from the rest of the world?

Thought: What do I really care about?

first attempt at acrylic on canvas.

2011-09-04T22:35:00.003+08:00

Today, I finally got the inspiration to attempt at acrylic painting. It was tricky... especially when it came to the water reflections (the yellow boat... oh, the shame!) and shadows. My colour mix is horrible I think. Two things I like about the painting are the clouds and that white boat. I think my next attempt would be painting a tree... or something similar to it. :)

2011-09-04T02:27:00.001+08:00

dim amber beams
drift upon a
mirror of water
that red globe
is floating lazily
on this wide
horizon

wispy greys and
blues daub across
darkening canopy
in languid strokes
seemingly motionless
after a day's
frolicking

in the distance
a shadow, stretched -
low mountains
or a sleeping dragon?
draped in obscurity
I imagine what lies
beyond.

Can you imagine living on just a dollar a day?

2011-09-01T23:26:00.000+08:00

Tolstoy on Unlearning

2011-08-30T23:22:00.002+08:00

The most difficult subjects can be explained to the most slow-witted man if he has not formed any idea of them already; but the simplest thing cannot be made clear to the most intelligent man if he is firmly persuaded that he knows already, without a shadow of doubt, what is laid before him.

Leo Tolstoy

2011-08-26T22:32:00.000+08:00

In the Arabic language, Amir, a masculine form of Amira, means "leader" (and generally translated as "princess" for a girl). I found out that Amir in Hebrew means "treetop", and Amira in Hebrew literally means "saying", "speech", and "words". Semitic languages are really interesting.

When I hear people go, "this is the happiest day of my life!", I ponder at what it truly means. I don't think I can ever single out any day to dub it as my "happiest". Does happiness come in different magnitudes? When you're happy, you are happy, no? Or does it ( happy - joyful - euphoric) ?

So I wonder, at what moments am I at my "happiest"? I feel genuinely happy when I am having fun with my six year olds (they've been amazing these past few weeks). I'm happy when I get to take long walks under blinding morning sunlight or in the cool breeze of late nights. Not to forget the trees. I just love trees. The thrill while strolling or hiking through trails lined with trees is simply... le sigh. Someday, I'd like to plant a tree. But, where I am, I'm not sure whether that is possible.

Allah ta'ala provides, He doesn't deprive. He provides and He withholds. His withholding in reality is providing you with something else, you just have to be patient and see what it is. In many ways, His withholding is a greater provision for you.

Shaykh Muhammad al-Yaqoubi

The Companion

2011-08-23T22:45:00.005+08:00

A veil is cast between two worlds,
but the seeping lights revealed your truth.
I recognise your colours through this faintness.

I wonder at the road ahead of us.
Will you unquestioningly embrace this untravelled path?

* "A companion before the road, and the road before the destination," -

shall we make something of this beautiful mystery,

and deeply reflect on His Words -
*"Does man think that he will be left to wander without purpose?"

* "The companion before the road, and the road before the destination. But without the destination there is no road, and without the road there is no companion."
Shaykh Abdal-Hakim Murad

* Does man think that he will be left to wander without purpose?
Al-Qiyamah, The Resurrection, :36

2011-08-22T22:51:00.001+08:00

Seven days.

I wish to put my thoughts together right here but I can't seem to. Need time alone. But before I log off, I'd like to share something. Today, I asked my six year olds this question: "Where is Mecca?" Their faces showed obvious cluelessness. One wrinkled her pretty face, another stared wide-eyed. And another looked up to the ceiling with a finger tapping her chin. I should've taken a photo... they were so deep in thought. Anyway, I received funny answers and had such a laugh.

Answers: Pakistan, Singapore, Jakarta, and South Africa.

During heavy rainfall if a person was to complain that he has not managed to collect water, then all present would conclude that this was because of his sheer negligence and laxity. Likewise in Ramadhan only the extremely negligent remain deprived because the Mercy and Forgiveness of Allah ta’ala descends in torrents.

Shaykh Saleem Dhorat

2011-08-22T20:10:00.000+08:00

Gaddafi is/was a mad man but the majority of Libyan people are a great deal more sophisticated, compassionate and educated than him - yet there are those in the West that are regarding them as some sort of backward nation incapable of helping themselves. Do not underestimate the Libyan people - and if they form an Islamic Government, so what? Libya is a Muslim country.

Yvonne Ridley

2011-08-21T06:47:00.009+08:00

That familiar topic was raised during suhur, this morning. I nearly choked. Time and time again, it seem to always catch me off guard.

I find myself pondering once again. I know I don't want this. I put trust in this heart, may the Most Merciful guide it. I know when the time comes I will feel a sense of assurance. But right now I am still feeling the call of something else.

Not so soon, I believe. Not so soon.

By the way, I have this interest in learning more about Judaism. I have read some books on it several years ago... but I didn't quite 'dwell' on them. Recently, I got to know a kind Jewish man whose words radiate so much peace and humility (Twitter is amazing). My exposure to Jews and Judaism is little but deep in my heart I know that the religion is a religion of peace. There's this portrayal of great hostility between Jews and Muslims in the media... but thinking men won't swallow anything without a good bit of reading and reflection.

A must read: Jews in the Qur'an - what does the Qur'an say about Jews?

"Millions of Muslims and Jews in the Middle East and everywhere believe that G-d is kind and rewards kindness. Now we have to act like it."
Lee Weissman

"They are not all alike; among the people of the Book there is an upstanding community. They recite God's revelations through the night, and they fall prostrate. They believe in God and the last day. They advocate good and forbid evil, and they hasten to do good works. These are among the righteous. Whatever good they do will not be denied. God knows those who are reverent."
The Qur'an, The Family of 'Imran, :113-115

Judaism 'Yes', Zionism 'No'

2011-08-19T22:36:00.004+08:00

Shaykh Hamza Yusuf: Mustafa, who is worse, an arrogant person who sits all day and talks about how great he is or one who is humble and talks about his weaknesses before God?

Mustafa Davis: The one who is arrogant is worse.

Shaykh Hamza Yusuf: They are both the same, they sit all day and focus only on themselves.

[From a 1998 conversation with Mustafa Davis]

19 Ramadhan.

19 blessed days and nights have passed. I am already missing Ramadhan. The nights are majestic, tranquil... perfect to simply fall apart upon sajdah. The air is always different during Ramadhan, can you sense it? Every breathe you take, when you are aware of it, you can taste that immense splendour. Morning light always singing, silence of the night - always intense, soothing. The sublimity... I cannot truly express with my restricted, meagre mental lexicon. What words can equate to this beauty? There's simplicity, yet there's also profundity.

We have the last few days ahead of us. How will you delve into the days and nights?
Will your beards soak,
will your eyes choke
with tears?

What happened to Haya / Modesty?

2011-08-18T22:15:00.000+08:00

What is it that defines a true woman?

Unfortunately, society has defined "a true woman" as that air-brushed image on a magazine cover - flawless, tall, skinny, with a killer set of beautiful pearly teeth. Don't forget the make-up - smoky eyes, thick lashes, perfect eyebrows, pouty lips, rosy cheeks. Flip the pages and you'll find a kind of manual for women and the bombardment of material must-haves.

Does a fancy physical display define a woman's confidence and personality?

2011-08-17T22:12:00.000+08:00

Everyday, by Dawud Wharnsby

"There is trust that we must recognise.
There is so much that we must learn to see and be,
if we could only open our minds.
Just grow with God and please be patient with me,
and I will give you my life.

Everyday,
I'll give you my life."

2011-08-15T21:16:00.000+08:00

"There is a time where... as you fast, as you think, as you reflect... you just feel like a need to cry. Meaning is never far from our tears."

Tariq Ramadan

Fasting is awareness... so, where are you going?

2011-08-14T23:40:00.001+08:00

It is mid-Ramadhan, and I am already feeling dismal.

Dearest beloved guest, why are you leaving me so soon? Leaving me here, in this state. Your tranquil nights, your melodious silence have brought me the solitude I have been yearning for.

Last night, you whispered into my heart. I sat on my prayer mat thinking about where I am going. I dug deep, tried to sink into mindfulness, and could not help but weep. Where am I going? In this chaos, what is this road I am treading upon? Micro, macro... inward, outward. I can't run, can't hide. Can't articulate more, and I can't pick a fight with myself now. Why?

I can't run, can't hide, but my room is my hermitage. My ablution is my dust. My prayer mat is where I unravel my heart. I want to keep knocking. All I want to do is to not stop.

Even when I'm all gone, You're closer than the veins in my neck.

Ramadhan/Av 14: Though we search for G-d together we most often find Him when we are alone. Remember to make time and space for seclusion.
Lee Weissman

Boston Harbor, Summer 2009

2011-08-14T23:01:00.000+08:00

When the tide of the day pulls out and
leaves the night standing on the shore

swallowing the stars

and the moon is nearly halfway to
completing its luminous shell

and the night stretches its arms to
expand as far as the

globe's curvature will allow
with the sun’s spotlight lighting up where

night is not and the night
darkening to the hazy line between them

and we take all this into our
bodies with the daytime fast

are we not now inhabiting a space that is
neither exactly terrestrial nor celestial

but by the decree of prophetic consciousness
participating as we might otherwise not

in the in and out breathing of Allah's most
essential creating?

We see the signs of Allah on the
horizons of heaven and earth

and they are

ourselves

Daniel Abdal-Hayy Moore, Signs of Allah
14 Ramadhan, 1432H

2011-08-14T16:29:00.005+08:00

It's a rainy Sunday. I feel like baking something invigorating...

...something like lavender biscuits. It's exciting because I have never baked with such a fragrant ingredient. Lavender biscuits and tea... brill for a cool, soothing weather.

Hoping it'll turn out well. If it does, I might consider baking more of them for Eid.

Adhan / Call to Prayer

2011-08-14T03:10:00.006+08:00

Fact: The adhan never stops.

I think it is interesting to note, that the sound of the adhan is unceasing. It echoes from one city to the next, inching slowly like warm sunlight from land to land. Fajr (dawn prayer), Dhuhr (noon prayer), 'Asr (afternoon prayer), Maghrib (evening prayer), 'Isya' (night prayer)... imagine, five prayers and five prayer calls for every city, encircling planet Earth daily.

Fact: The first mu'adhin / prayer caller was Bilal ibn Rabah al-Habashi, a freed Ethiopian slave and a companion of the Prophet (pbuh).

"A Muezzin Calling From the Top of a Minaret", painting by Jean Leon Gerome

Ramadaniyyat

2011-08-12T06:25:00.000+08:00

Have a Good Opinion, by Shaykh Hamza Yusuf Hanson (2007): link - Ramadaniyyat

2011-08-12T06:16:00.003+08:00

Finding God At Work, by Shaykh Abdal-Hakim Murad

Sincerity / Ikhlas

2011-08-12T00:36:00.002+08:00

Ramadhan, Day 12

The Prophet, peace be upon him, said: "Actions are only by intention, and every man shall only have what he intended. Thus he whose hijra (migration/journey) was for God and His Messenger, his hijra was for God and His Messenger, and he whose hijra was to achieve some worldly benefit or to take some woman in marriage, his hijra was for that for which he made hijra." [Related by Bukhari and Muslim]

Your hands
manifest purity
as you hold out
a part of you,
so dear.

Quiet certainty
chest overflowing -
what is
pulsating in you,
my friend?

Throbbing generosity
illuminating brightly -
will you
clear the skies
with just a smile?

Self assured,
you pour forth
water to the world
sustaining the flow
flowing calmly

Neither clenched
nor seizing -
your palms
are open to
the wide skies.

"Maybe a small action is made great by its intention,

and maybe a great action is made small by its intention."

Ibn al-Mubaarak

2011-08-10T22:01:00.000+08:00

Plugged: Inna Fi'l Jannati - al-Hajj Muhammad al-Barraq

Thought for Ramadhan, Day 10:

To love is not easy. Will you allow others to define how to love? No. You define it. You have that responsibility to define it, and then represent it. We have with us the lack of true love, or rather, the lack of people who are able to find it in themselves to truly love. We have a world where many are bitter and have turned hard, unable to uncover their inner treasure trove.

But when we observe this coldness, we have to remind ourselves to be merciful. "Remember, today, everyone is weak," said Shaykh Abdal-Hakim Murad. We have to understand that we too are seeking the key to unlock our own inner treasure trove. Everyone is.

To love is not easy, but I feel that, in the process of understanding how to truly love, we also define ourselves as human beings. We make meaning out of our own existence.

2011-08-09T17:40:00.001+08:00

Thought for Ramadhan, day 9:

"The divine decree related to the believer is always a bounty, even if it is in the form of withholding (something that is desired), and it is a blessing, even if it appears to be a trial, and an affliction that has befallen him is in reality a cure, even though it appears to be a disease!"

- Imam Ibn al-Qayyim

2011-08-09T13:47:00.002+08:00

It hurts me when someone is helpless. It hurts me more when a person chooses to be helpless, decides that he is, and remains caged within his own negativity. It hurts that I cannot be of help, and it hurts more when I try but then I realise my efforts bear no fruit.

I still care, but I am still finding the compassion and mercy that never runs dry. La hawla wa la quwwata illa billah, Who has that everlasting compassion and mercy, save Him? Who is a better Friend, save Him?

So broken, still struggling... what will break the heart open to Your light? O Most Merciful, I pray that You have mercy on this individual.

Verily never will God change the condition of a people until they change it themselves (with their own souls)." Al-Ra'd, The Thunder, :11

Depression

2011-08-09T02:01:00.004+08:00

Fact: I love listening to Mishari Rashid's recitation of the Qur'an. Blessed voice - when I listen, I feel joy in his recitation.

Depression is a serious condition. A loved one is has been experiencing such a state. It has been many months. Although I cannot truly comprehend why this individual is going through such an affliction, my heart tears knowing the kind of self-hurt, the degree of helplessness that this person is going through. It seems as if nothing in this world can brighten up the individual...

What has upset the emotional equilibrium? What contributed to the hopelessness, guilt, and worthlessness? More importantly, how can I help? I miss this person. I somehow think that therapy will not help, because the only effective help this individual can get is through the self. Positive change is through one's self... but what if one does not have the will to help one's self?

"So, verily, with every difficulty, there is relief: Verily, with every difficulty there is relief."
(Solace, Al-Inshirah, :5-6)

PS: For the lonely Muslim, may the remembrance of the Most Merciful in your days and nights make you aware of His presence. Who is a better Friend, save Him? May He grant your heart life.

2011-08-09T01:55:00.003+08:00

"Laxity creates hopelessness. To be emotionally strong, a person needs to be positively influencing his surroundings, encouraging those about him and bringing in more light."

Abu Yusuf Ibn Gondek

2011-08-09T01:45:00.002+08:00

"Seek the life to come by means of what God granted you, but do not neglect your rightful share in this world. Do good to others as God has done good to you. Do not seek to spread corruption in the land, for God does not love those who do this." (The Story, Al-Qasas, :77)

2011-08-08T00:08:00.002+08:00

2011-08-07T23:14:00.008+08:00

"All of Islam revolves around two things:

sincerity to the Creator,

and mercy to His creation."

- Shaykh Hamza Yusuf Hanson

God's mercy be upon him

I love them for the sake of God. May the Most Merciful bless them and grant them peace:

Humbleness, by Shaykh Hamza Yusuf

Multiculturalism Has Failed, Shaykh Hamza Yusuf

Critical Issues: The Headscarf? by Tariq Ramadan

Kutiba alaikumus siyamu

Fasting is prescribed for you

kama kutiba alal lazina min kablikum

As it was prescribed to those before you

la alla kum tattakun.

So that you may be God-fearing.

- Quran Surah Al-Baqarah: 183

2011-08-05T01:03:00.002+08:00

"Ramadan / Av day 3: Even if the gates of repentance seem closed to you, knock anyway. Knock with your heart til both lock and heart shatter."

"Turning my face to Jerusalem is easy. Use a compass. Turning my heart is much harder."

- Lee Weissman (JihadiJew)

Fa ayna tadhhabun? - Ramadhan Reflections

2011-08-05T00:53:00.090+08:00

"If you're not radicalised yet it's because
you haven't been paying attention ... think about it."
Yvonne Ridley

Time check - 2308hrs, but I refuse to sleep until I can iron out my thoughts...

Although I have only embraced the first few days of Ramadhan, I feel as if there are thoughts slowly and silently clouding my mind once again. Like a massive, convoluted mass of mess waiting to get untangled by mindfulness. Waiting to be articulated.

We have with us so many grave issues, but very little commitment to sit and ponder over them. We have with us serious internal and external issues, yet we continue to run on the hamster wheel. What will it take for us to stop and think? What will it take for us to breathe again? What will it take for us to be our own master, our own rider?

Ramadhan is a month of transparency and sincerity to one's self. It is a month where one has to enter with conscience, with one's mind and body. Beyond hunger and thirst, there is the jihad of the inner self. One has to guard the heart, still the mind, spread peace, and enliven the spirit. One has to strive to come back to one's self, to the heart of one's inner universe... Ya Mu'minu, O Guardian of Faith, I look to You to look into the depths within.

"God has entrusted me with myself."

Epictetus

Do you have to immerse yourself in political and economic jargon to understand where we are going? Opinionated people ("In my humble opinion..." sorry, but I must say it's horseshite) immerse in it all day but to no avail. It only takes deep contemplation and awareness to comprehend our current human condition... you'll get all cut up, if you're brave enough to see where we are going. So many heartbreaking issues, yet we do not weep. We have crisis upon crisis, yet we are still in deep slumber. From where you are to the ends of the earth... aren't we already in extreme conditions, burdened and shaken by trials and tribulations, so broken and ready to fall to our knees? We have buried the truth of our condition under beautiful facades... skyscrapers are curtains / they conceal the other side / they will conceal the sun / if you do not burn them down to dust...

Who or what owns this earth? Who or what is dividing, conquering, and hoarding our lands, our wealth? The one-eyed / has stretched his arms / east to west / head to heart. The line is clearer now in this dunya...

while some raid houses
and manipulate minds of the naive,
some - unseen -
are positioning themselves
on the right,
or on the left,
quietly.
while the world is at silence,
the rage lives on...
till two sides will forge
a Great War.

This Ramadhan, we stand even more resolute, alongside the oppressed. Shaykh Abdal-Hakim Murad said, "Loyalty is simple: it is to the oppressed." I invite you, dear friend, to fast. Let us fast with the hungry in East Africa, with those striving to live in war-torn lands. Let us remember the warriors who are fighting for a just cause while their oppressors keep trying to chain their wrists. Let us sit with those who are more than willing to prostrate and kiss the dust, with the honest and the sincere.

The road is long and hard. Ya Rabb, have we lost touch? I pray that You make us strong.

"To fast is to seek.. with lucidity, patience and confidence.. justice and peace with oneself. The month of Ramadan is the 'month of the Meaning'.. why this life? What about God in my life? What about my mother and my father.. still alive or already gone? What about my children? My family? My spiritual community? Why this universe and this humanity? What meaning have I given to my daily life? What meaning am I able to be consistent with?"

- Tariq Ramadan, may the Most Merciful bless his soul

2011-08-02T11:56:00.001+08:00

"We can take this world as it appears to us through the medium of laws. We can have the idea of the world in our mind, as a world of force and matter, and then our relation to it becomes merely the mechanical relation of science. But, in that case, we miss the highest truth that is in man. For what is man? He is a personal being. Law does not take account that. Law is about the physiology of our body, the psychology of our minds, the mechanism of our being. And when we come to our personal nature, we do not know any law which explains it. Therefore science ignores the very basis of truth about ourselves. The whole world becomes a machine."

- Rabindranath Tagore, in, Personality

2011-08-01T07:31:00.001+08:00

"Little is known by any one but the spiritual man,
Who has in his heart a touchstone of vital truth.
The others, hovering between two opinions,
Fly towards their nest on a single wing.
Knowledge has two wings, opinion only one wing;
Opinion is weak and lopsided in its flight.
The bird having only but one wing quickly drops down,
And again flies on two steps or more.
This bird of opinion goes on rising and falling
On one wing, in hope to reach his nest.
When he escapes from opinion and knowledge is seen,
This bird gains two wings and spreads both of them.
Afterwards he goes upright on a straight path,
Not grovelling on his face or creeping.
He flies up on two wings even as the angel Gabriel,
Free of opinion, of duplicity, and of vain talk."

- Rumi, in Masnavi, Book 3 Story 7

Tonight is a blessed night. Ramadhan Mubarak.

2011-08-01T01:34:00.004+08:00

It is here.

This night
soothes me
blankets me
keeps me still

listen -
the singing silence
is dense with praises
of the Creator

SubhanAllah wa bihamdihi,
Glory be to Him,
and Praise be to Him.

Life has been chaotic. This Ramadhan, I yearn for isolation and deeper contemplation, inward. I thank the Most Merciful for granting me past Ramadhan months where my nights were filled with much solitude.

This month, I seek renewal. I seek dust.

Know that

God stands between

a man and his heart.

Surah Al-Anfal, The Spoils of War : 24

Stark reality. We are still sleeping.

2011-07-30T23:13:00.003+08:00

desensitised, unfeeling

living corpses

dance naked

ruby red

emerald green

set in hollow eyes

batting their eyelids

to dominate -

all for profit.

tall buildings
firmly rooted
panes of glass
sorely blinding

fences of steel
towering walls -
skyscrapers
are curtains
they conceal
the other side

they will
conceal the sun
if you do not
burn them down
to dust.

illusions

intrusions

this menacing beat

thrills you so

delusions

confusions

live to hide,
you fool

the one-eyed

has stretched his arms

east to west

head to heart

you're choking

in his embrace,

but still dancing?

2011-07-27T23:20:00.002+08:00

Fact: I wanted to enroll in art school after my secondary education.

I remember the days when I just loved spending hours and hours in the workshop. I loved to work with wood. The smell of wood, the feel of sawdust on my hands, the sound of drilling. I loved to work with metal and acrylic too. Good old times.

Also, I wanted to delve into fashion design (no, seriously). Well, to cut a long story short, I didn't. Art schools are just... well. At least where I'm at... I get turned off by art students. I get turned off by the local arts scene. I shan't articulate further...

I must say, I still have this yearning to delve into art. Fabric design, painting, music.

My paternal grandmother was in the arts scene. She made her way into the film industry in the 1950s. My late maternal grandfather was a craftsman, and a nomad (Mum told me his wonderful travel stories... my favourite is the one where he used to barter goods - rice or sugar in exchange for tobacco - with a tribe from Sarawak or Riau). I can't help but wonder... it's amazing how they're alive in me and my siblings. Their passion... it runs in the family.

Aah. The night is making me reminisce.

We've got a war to fight.

2011-07-25T23:31:00.001+08:00

There are times you feel like stripping away everything you have, and rub yourself with dust. Walk on dust. Sleep on dust. Dream on dust...

There are times you want to get away from the world... but it has already entwined itself around you. You have your job, bills, loans, taxes, and a family to feed while you have your own dreams. The world desensitises you, keeps you busy to veil you from the truth of it, makes your soul ill...

The world has its way of cutting you up.

But that is the purpose of it, isn't it? The dunya is designed to break you, so that you'll understand your road and your destination. Do not fear being among the broken. To the broken-hearted, may the Most Merciful brighten your path, lighten your steps, and keep you in good company.

Dearest heart, do not fear being among the broken.

2011-07-24T23:10:00.003+08:00

Plugged: Insan - Hamza Namira

Spent two days camping with my bunch of six year olds. Only the Most Merciful knows how I went through the process of camp preparation in the midst of childcare routine...

I must say that I loved the time I spent with them. Two-days worth of heartwarming quality time... imagine that. I witnessed them in their zest, their (total!) exhaustion, and how they managed to face their fears. I am very proud of them! I will miss this.

Tomorrow - Little India with them balls of energy, to take a look at the smorgasbord of spices available at the wet market. Ya Rabb, the exhaustion is accumulating over the weeks. I pray that I'll find good rest, some time soon.


Meet Momo. Mogwai, Scrubs, and Kiko were some of the few on the long list (many people gave ideas!), but everyone agrees that Momo is just it. :3

2011-07-22T00:39:00.002+08:00

Fact: I love vessels.

http://www.msc.navy.mil/sealift/2004/december/sinks.htm

Shipyards, ports... I am very much attracted to them, though I am not entirely sure why. The only reason I can think of is the fact that dad has been working and travelling on vessels most of his life. Never thought I'd say this, but, I have that part of dad in me.

Fact: At times, I think about taking up marine and offshore studies.

Yet Another.

2011-07-20T22:51:00.002+08:00

So it seems that my fortunate sister will be heading to Maldives for a leisure dive trip, but before that, she has to take up the advanced open water training. I am very keen to take it up too (I'll get to go into underwater navigation, and deeper water diving - 30 metres!). I checked the calendar and the next advanced training will be in September. It will be at Tioman Island, but this time it's a live-on-board! Hoping we can make it, God willing!

Hearts are like vessels

for which lips are the seals

and tongues are the keys.

So keep the keys to your secrets safe.

- Umar ibn Abdul-Azeez

2011-07-17T23:15:00.004+08:00

I remember. The times where I sought myself, where I sought a road to tread upon... the times where I felt this strong calling, but did not know what it was. Back then I strongly felt this force, as if the entire world was singing. I remember the times, many years ago, while walking home with a friend, we jokingly summoned the wind and it surprised us when it always (and oddly) came to our call. I remember the times when I walked home along a path lined with great Angsana trees. I adored their magnificence during the evenings, when amber rays pierced through their lush crowns...

And then I remember the day when I felt as if the world stopped singing, when I did not feel its music in my heart. I wondered why.

I realised then that I have glorified the beauty of creation without glorifying its Creator.

Subhanallah wa bihamdihi, Glory be to the Creator, and all Praise is to Him. Glory be to Him who has created the breeze that carries the scent of the evening, and the great trees that glorify Him while the sun casts their shadows, prostrating upon the earth.

"As our boxes, our hearts and our trust in God open up; we are faced with new challenges. We meet those with different cultures, lives, dreams and views. We meet those who are reluctant to feel the earth, taste the rain and lean naturally to the sun growing to the light of God's mercy. As we share this road of life, shall we not share the gift of hope in the way it was shared by the Prophets, sages and intellectuals of the past with their people?"

- Dawud Wharnsby, in, Don't Talk to Me About Muhammad (pbuh)

2011-07-13T22:10:00.005+08:00

My current read is a non-fiction travel literature (in truth, I am bouncing from Rabindranath Tagore's, to the Dhammapada, and to this [edit: I think it's bad to do this... I just have the habit!). This is one of the few non-fiction travel literature I have picked, and I am enjoying it. I find the passages filled with strikingly vibrant imagery. This read must be accompanied with a cup a good tea...

"I need have no anxiety about the world of Nature. The sun does not wait to be trimmed by me.

But from the early morning all my thoughts are occupied by this little world of myself. Its importance is owing to the fact that I have a world given to me which is mine. It is great because I have the power to make it worthy of its relationship with me; it is great because by its help I can offer my own hospitality to the God of all the world."

Rabindranath Tagore

2011-07-12T12:09:00.000+08:00

Mind, when long deprived of its natural food of truth and freedom of growth, develops an unnatural craving for success; and our students have fallen victims to the mania for success in examinations. Success consists in obtaining the largest number of marks with the strictest economy of knowledge. It is a deliberate cultivation of disloyalty to truth, of intellectual dishonesty, of a foolish imposition by which the mind is encouraged to rob itself. But as we are by means of it made to forget the existence of mind, we are supremely happy at the result. We pass examinations, and shrivel up to clerks, lawyers and police inspectors, and we die young.

- Rabindranath Tagore, in, Creative Unity

2011-07-11T22:51:00.004+08:00

The world within is much wider than the world without. It takes more courage and humility, I believe, to tread on the landscapes of the heart.

Stormy seas
that churn and froth
sonorous chiming

Brilliant stars
that pierce through
the blackest veil

That petit vulcan
with fire that never
ceases

The Great Tree
stands tall
eminent, pristine

Cool dew drops
that quiver in
the slightest breeze

Glistening glaciers
hum a tune
basso profundo

Vibrant flowers
fields of sunshine stretch
to the ends of the earth

You.

The human being

longs to experience more

to taste more

to feel more,

but all will

boil down

to the redefinition

of the Self,

to the understanding

of our Purpose,

and silence.

Bumiku Bumimu (Your Earth, My Earth)

2011-07-08T01:09:00.000+08:00

Bumiku bumimu
bumi yang gemilang
Bumiku bumimu
yang tersayang
Bumiku bumimu
yang cemerlang
Bumiku bumimu
yang penuh aman

Bumiku bumimu
bumi bersejarah
Bumiku bumimu
bumi penuh indah
Bumiku bumimu
bumi yang menyerlah
Bumiku bumimu
yang sejahtera

Bumiku berjaya di atas peluh usaha
Bumiku bahagia di atas doa yang pasrah
Bumiku bumimu bumi untuk semua

Bumiku bumimu
bumi yang terbilang
Bumiku bumimu
bumi kerinduan
Bumiku bumimu
bumi milik Tuhan
Bumiku bumimu
bumi yang terkenang

Mohd Khair Mohd Yasin

Adiemus

2011-07-06T21:41:00.003+08:00

I came across this song in 2002/3. I played it pretty much every day. It's just, uplifting. Brilliant composition.

The Fear of God

2011-07-06T15:46:00.000+08:00

If you should rise from Nowhere up to Somewhere,
From being No one up to being Someone,
Be sure to keep repeating to yourself
You owe it to an arbitrary god
Whose mercy to you rather than to others
Won’t bear to critical examination.
Stay unassuming. If for lack of license
To wear the uniform of who you are,
You should be tempted to make up for it
In a subordinating look or tone,
Beware of coming too much to the surface
And using for apparel what was meant
To be the curtain of the inmost soul.

Robert Frost

2011-07-03T23:28:00.001+08:00

I would love to attend a Rihla, and a RIS convention. Maybe one day, God willing. :)

International Mud Day

2011-06-29T22:07:00.000+08:00

Mud is Beauty in the making,

Mud is melody awaking;

Laughter, leafy whisperings,

Butterflies with rainbow wings;

Baby babble, lover's sighs,

Bobolink in lucent skies;

Ardours of heroic blood

All stem back to Matrix Mud.

Mud is mankind in the moulding,

Heaven's mystery unfolding;

Miracles of mighty men,

Raphael's brush and Shakespeare's pen;

Sculpture, music, all we owe

Mozart, Michael Angelo;

Wonder, worship, dreaming spire,

Issue out of primal mire.

In the raw, red womb of Time

Man evolved from cosmic slime;

And our thaumaturgic day

Had its source in ooze and clay...

But I have not power to see

Such stupendous alchemy:

And in star-bright lily bud

Lo! I worship Mother Mud.

Robert William Service

Sunset

2011-06-26T17:20:00.002+08:00

2011-06-23T22:18:00.000+08:00

"Your task is not to seek for love,
but merely to seek and find
all the barriers within yourself
that you have built against it."

Jalal ad-Din Rumi

2011-06-19T23:32:00.001+08:00

Plugged: Without You - Sami Yusuf

Five years, six boxes. I have done this thrice before, I believe. I finally had the courage to clear a tall pile of them notes earlier today. It is a relief to remove such a baggage.

Tonight, I feel that familiar tug in my heart. It feels like a blessed night. Ask the trees.

2011-06-19T23:06:00.001+08:00

subtle stirring
in the trees
what moves the
abundant leaves?
rustling
singing in the night
or are they
whispering secrets,
sharing untold stories,
and praising the Lord?

I do not know
but I feel
their tune
blanketing my heart
with earth
and watering it
with light

I have tears
in my eyes
such solitude
but the moon
comforts me deeply
the stars
reach me
pull my face
my gaze
to the wide open
darkness

darkness?
I ponder
at the brightness
in night time.

2011-06-18T23:55:00.001+08:00

Abdal-Hakim Murad on Al-Ghazali

2011-06-18T21:45:00.001+08:00

I finally had the opportunity to listen to Peter Murphy's I Spit Roses. He's such a poet. I cannot wait to view the full music video.

And here's fifteen seconds of it! :

2011-06-15T22:31:00.000+08:00

The very first song I heard from Sigur Ros, in 2003/4. Enjoy.

Flugufrelsarinn